Subjective Values

6:55 PM

This post might just going to be a justification of everything that I do, and I feel like I need to throw it out there.

Hi, I've been thinking a lot lately.

I'm 25 years old and it's been 3 years since my graduation from university, but somehow I feel like I haven't figured out my life yet. Especially about my career and my role in society.

3 years experience of work doesn't necessarily mean that I know what I'm doing. In fact, I've been in hesitant about my own ability to work as an employee in a company. I was never fully satisfied of what I was doing. I feel like I hadn't giving out my best at my work. I feel like I could do way better than what I've been doing.

Overall, I feel like I know there's something wrong about the steps that I took.


Looking back at my dreams back when I was still a student, I found out something interesting:

When I was in elementary school, I had a dream to be either an Architect or a Photographer. When I was in middle school, I had a dream to be a Zoo Keeper or a Lab Scientist. When I was in high school, I had a dream to be a Surgeon or a Psychologist. And when I finally went to university and had a major in Psychology, I settled my dream to be either a Psychologist or a practitioner in Neuropsychology.

You might think my dreams are kind of random, but I can see the similarities between them:

  1. All of them are professional jobs
  2. I never want to work in a company
  3. I want to be able to build my own company/business out of that job
  4. I want to be able to give an immediate impact of what I do

Up to here, I kind of understand why I couldn't find any satisfaction of what I was doing. Everything that I'm currently doing are far from where I thought I'd do.

So is it all clear now? ..Not really. If all that are true, then I don't think I'll be able to find my happiness in work, because I cannot tick the number 1. So do you think I'll never be satisfied with my own life?


It's true when I told you that, even after 3 years, I feel like I hadn't giving out my best, but I have an experience in one company that I enjoy the most. I found the most satisfaction working there.

I understand that there are many factors for job satisfaction, but I know that there is a strong internal factor that base it. Even though I no longer work there, that factor is one of the thing that I keep seeking in working for a company. That factor is what keeps my thirst in work.

It was a start up company and I was working as a generalist. I joined the company when it was only one month old, when the team was only consisted of 3 people. Along my time, I was basically working to help the owner grew the business. I did various works from various departments, I helped in various aspects of the business.

It was a lot, but it was interesting. It was satisfying.

I couldn't really see 'why' it was satisfying at first, but now I understand. My boss needed me to help her do various things to run the business, and so I did the 'work' to help her reach it.


In the search of that factor, I was thinking about my self.

I never really consider my self as a good person. I have a lot of bads; I like to keep a grudge against people and I like to run away from pains. But in all my flaws, I have one thing that I know I'm good at: I like to help people.

If there's someone asking for my help, I'll give my best effort to help them. As far as my capability and my capacity to help. Why?

Because I find a satisfaction when I'm able to help people that need my help. And that's been confirmed with many many experiences in the past, including working for that one company.

I finally found it.

I finally found my value in work. I finally found my value in life.

Now I know why it's hard for me to fit in many companies, because I cannot always find my value by working at them and doing their job. Their kind of success is not my kind of success. Their culture might not match my value.

But I'm glad now I know what I'm trying to pursue. I've thrown away my dream for a long time, but whatever it is the new dream that I'm trying to reach now, I know that I will look up for this value in it.


I know that each person has a different value in life, so have you found yours? What is it?

How long does it take for you to find it?

Let me know in the comment section below.

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